Distracted.

I have so much to do...it's absolutely ridiculous! Visas, flights, yard sales, taxes, bills, student teaching stuff, and all sorts of other things are just bogging me down right now! UGH! I feel as though I can't even breathe! My excitement is escalating with each passing day. I think the count right now is 55 days until I leave! How crazy is that?! I'M MOVING TO BANGKOK, THAILAND!!!!! Wow. I'm so relieved to know that I have friends there...even if it they are just my coworkers at BCC and Adam and Alex (the 2 British boys from Koh Samet). I talked to Alex a few days ago and he said that they'll be in Bangkok for a few months, so I'm super stoked that I'll be able to hang out with them. I can't stop thinking about it really...it's just so hard to even concentrate on things in the here and now. Ugh. Stupid student teaching. Stupid teacher work sample. Stupid paperwork. I hate it all! I just want to be in Bangkok right now!

Ok ok ok...I'll stop whining. But for real though...I swore to myself that I'd write a lot on this dang 30-page paper today and I've seriously done one page. UGH. Kill me now.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Fading.

I can feel myself fading into the background. Everything is a constant reminder that I'm on a time line. My Cleveland hourglass is quickly running out of sand, and with that always twinging in the back of my mind...the insignificance of most things slowly melts into oblivion in light of May 9th. It's liberating, really, knowing that it less than 2 months I will be living on the other side of the world, basically starting a new life from scratch. Ironic isn't it, how I dreaded going to Thailand in January for what seemed like forever, but really was only 7 short weeks. And now look at me...moving back to the same place that haunted me back then, only now the allure and mystery of a brand new life in Bangkok greets me with open arms. My willingness to go has actually surprised me, and my excitement is most certainly overwhelming at times. I feel as though I've transitioned from a "waiting" period in my life to a season of action and change. Everyday I see the hand of God move...answering prayers that I've been praying for months and even years. I feel myself letting go of those things that only hold me back from what God's called me to do. There's really no better place to be than in the center of God's will...His good, pleasing, and perfect will. (That's somewhere in Romans I think...)

I can feel myself pushing people away already, too. Knowing that I'm going to be gone makes it hard to really find the desire to pour into people and put effort into friendships that are destined to fail, or at least be put on hold for a while (aka: a year +). Who knows...maybe that's just a bad habit I need to kick. I'm just admitting it now I guess. Maybe this independence thing is going to my head. Probably.

I know that when I return to Thailand, I return with a mission and a calling. I return alone, with no one...no one to get dinner with every night at the Paragon food court; no one to sing duets with at karaoke; no one to hit up the beach with on the weekends. Alone. Flying solo. Independent. But allow me to escape from my pity party for one moment and say that I really am stoked that Adam and Alex will be back in Bangkok for a few months. That just makes my heart smile, knowing that at least I have a few people I know to hang out with. And perhaps my dad can rest easy knowing that at least for a few months, I'll be protected by big strong British boys. Haha. I might dye my hair back brown, too...maybe then I won't stick out like a sore thumb and get taken.

Ok...I'm tired now. I'm gonna go to bed because I have a grand total of 5 hours before I have to wake up and get ready to teach cocky 8th graders. Ugh...not as fun as I had hoped.

I'm out.
Cwalk.