I'm falling apart...I'm barely breathing.

Words can barely describe the place that I'm in right now. Falling apart is an understatement. With so many questions racing through my mind, and my heart stopping and starting in confusion, the only direction I have to look is heavenward...yet, no answers fall.

With the fighting and riots happening in Bangkok, it's really just all up in the air at this point as to whether or not I'll end up there in 25 days. I know God knows what he doing, but my faith is lacking, though it hurts to it admit such a thing. I've cried every night for the past few days, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can also feel myself pushing people away from me, and even though I hate myself for it, I can't seem to stop. I talked to Eric last night about everything that's been worrying me, and he really made me feel better...he's always been a good shoulder to cry on, and like I tell him, as long as I feel better and smile now, that's all that really matters.

He said one thing that I will never forget...."It's called obstacles. You have to be able to get over them...You're full of options and God knows that. So don't question what is going on. Life throws curve balls. You either let a good opportunity pass or you knock it out of the park."

I'll give him quote of the day for that one I guess...because he's exactly right, always the voice of reason. I really am trying to just calm down and just focus on the things that mean the most to me. I know God will work out everything for Thailand...if He's got me this far, and I continually seek His will, surely He will put me exactly where He wants me. (And just so you know, I wasn't this rational last night...I was actually quite hysterical. 24 hours has come and gone, and I've gained a better perspective and sense of peace...though a little more would be nice.)

So that is all...I'm still struggling, but I'm focusing on faith. God's got me in the palm of His hand...and I think He can also handle my relationships, schoolwork, future, and everything else that I worry too much about.

I'm out.
Cwalk