Stupid Walls.

It never freaking fails. I guess it's true that you always want what you can't have. It's as if the universe is constantly playing the world's cruelest joke on me...every single time. I'm always the hardass, the one who refuses to open up...but the second I even consider letting my wall down...ROADBLOCK. Why is it just not meant to work out?? I'm not even talking solely about relationships, but even just friendships. I just don't understand. Maybe I have weird expectations of others. I mean, it's not difficult to see that I'm the common factor here...it has to be something I'm doing wrong. Am I so emotionally damaged/scarred that I can't even function in a productive, functional friendship? How pathetic is that?

Relationship wise, I'm terrified of getting hurt...again. It's like the same old story, over and over and over. I know God knows what He's doing, and I know that He's got somebody out there waiting for me. Whoever He has for me will fight to know the real me, and I guess I expect all the walls to somehow just magically fall down and disintegrate. Is that even realistic? Probably not...

I confuse myself.

I'm out.
Cwalk.