I'm falling apart...I'm barely breathing.

Words can barely describe the place that I'm in right now. Falling apart is an understatement. With so many questions racing through my mind, and my heart stopping and starting in confusion, the only direction I have to look is heavenward...yet, no answers fall.

With the fighting and riots happening in Bangkok, it's really just all up in the air at this point as to whether or not I'll end up there in 25 days. I know God knows what he doing, but my faith is lacking, though it hurts to it admit such a thing. I've cried every night for the past few days, and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can also feel myself pushing people away from me, and even though I hate myself for it, I can't seem to stop. I talked to Eric last night about everything that's been worrying me, and he really made me feel better...he's always been a good shoulder to cry on, and like I tell him, as long as I feel better and smile now, that's all that really matters.

He said one thing that I will never forget...."It's called obstacles. You have to be able to get over them...You're full of options and God knows that. So don't question what is going on. Life throws curve balls. You either let a good opportunity pass or you knock it out of the park."

I'll give him quote of the day for that one I guess...because he's exactly right, always the voice of reason. I really am trying to just calm down and just focus on the things that mean the most to me. I know God will work out everything for Thailand...if He's got me this far, and I continually seek His will, surely He will put me exactly where He wants me. (And just so you know, I wasn't this rational last night...I was actually quite hysterical. 24 hours has come and gone, and I've gained a better perspective and sense of peace...though a little more would be nice.)

So that is all...I'm still struggling, but I'm focusing on faith. God's got me in the palm of His hand...and I think He can also handle my relationships, schoolwork, future, and everything else that I worry too much about.

I'm out.
Cwalk

Seriously?! Seriously.

After a year of oblivion and naivety...I realized with a little bit over a month left here that I've found something. The real question is...is it worth fighting for?

Distracted.

I have so much to do...it's absolutely ridiculous! Visas, flights, yard sales, taxes, bills, student teaching stuff, and all sorts of other things are just bogging me down right now! UGH! I feel as though I can't even breathe! My excitement is escalating with each passing day. I think the count right now is 55 days until I leave! How crazy is that?! I'M MOVING TO BANGKOK, THAILAND!!!!! Wow. I'm so relieved to know that I have friends there...even if it they are just my coworkers at BCC and Adam and Alex (the 2 British boys from Koh Samet). I talked to Alex a few days ago and he said that they'll be in Bangkok for a few months, so I'm super stoked that I'll be able to hang out with them. I can't stop thinking about it really...it's just so hard to even concentrate on things in the here and now. Ugh. Stupid student teaching. Stupid teacher work sample. Stupid paperwork. I hate it all! I just want to be in Bangkok right now!

Ok ok ok...I'll stop whining. But for real though...I swore to myself that I'd write a lot on this dang 30-page paper today and I've seriously done one page. UGH. Kill me now.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Fading.

I can feel myself fading into the background. Everything is a constant reminder that I'm on a time line. My Cleveland hourglass is quickly running out of sand, and with that always twinging in the back of my mind...the insignificance of most things slowly melts into oblivion in light of May 9th. It's liberating, really, knowing that it less than 2 months I will be living on the other side of the world, basically starting a new life from scratch. Ironic isn't it, how I dreaded going to Thailand in January for what seemed like forever, but really was only 7 short weeks. And now look at me...moving back to the same place that haunted me back then, only now the allure and mystery of a brand new life in Bangkok greets me with open arms. My willingness to go has actually surprised me, and my excitement is most certainly overwhelming at times. I feel as though I've transitioned from a "waiting" period in my life to a season of action and change. Everyday I see the hand of God move...answering prayers that I've been praying for months and even years. I feel myself letting go of those things that only hold me back from what God's called me to do. There's really no better place to be than in the center of God's will...His good, pleasing, and perfect will. (That's somewhere in Romans I think...)

I can feel myself pushing people away already, too. Knowing that I'm going to be gone makes it hard to really find the desire to pour into people and put effort into friendships that are destined to fail, or at least be put on hold for a while (aka: a year +). Who knows...maybe that's just a bad habit I need to kick. I'm just admitting it now I guess. Maybe this independence thing is going to my head. Probably.

I know that when I return to Thailand, I return with a mission and a calling. I return alone, with no one...no one to get dinner with every night at the Paragon food court; no one to sing duets with at karaoke; no one to hit up the beach with on the weekends. Alone. Flying solo. Independent. But allow me to escape from my pity party for one moment and say that I really am stoked that Adam and Alex will be back in Bangkok for a few months. That just makes my heart smile, knowing that at least I have a few people I know to hang out with. And perhaps my dad can rest easy knowing that at least for a few months, I'll be protected by big strong British boys. Haha. I might dye my hair back brown, too...maybe then I won't stick out like a sore thumb and get taken.

Ok...I'm tired now. I'm gonna go to bed because I have a grand total of 5 hours before I have to wake up and get ready to teach cocky 8th graders. Ugh...not as fun as I had hoped.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Spiritual Warfare

So ever since I decided that I'm going back to Bangkok, the spiritual warfare has just been overwhelming. I feel like I've just straight up pissed the Devil off, but I don't care. I feel so close to God right now, and it's amazing! I seriously woke up from a dead sleep this morning in prayer, and I don't even know how that happened! So I can tell Satan is trying to take away every bit of peace that I have right now by throwing me curve balls left and right. But hey, I think I'm gonna give God credit for allowing him to hit me with curve balls because it's essentially making me rely on Him more and stretching and growing my faith. Though it sucks, I welcome it because I'm becoming a stronger Christian and disciple of Jesus Christ.

So, Allison is no longer returning to Thailand, and that feels weird. It was heart-breaking to find out that news, and I can't even imagine living in Thailand without her, but I still feel like God's calling me to return, even if it's alone. Talk about a step of faith! My purpose still remains. And I know that if it God's will for me to return, He will work it out perfectly, so I am trying to just give up every bit of worry, anxiety, and uneasiness to Him. "Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) If it's God's will for me to return, then that's what will happen...doors will open and paperwork will be official and all the minute details will fall into place perfectly. If it's not His will for me to go back, then He has a greater purpose for me elsewhere. Any way you look at it, I would rather be right smack in the middle of His will for my life (wherever that may be) than trying to force my own dreams and goals. Clearly, He's teaching me to give up my own desires and relinquish all control. It's not fun, but I'm loving the increasing moments of "eternity" when I get a glimpse of the big picture.

I went to Ethos this morning, and there was a guy there who does missions work in Romania. God really wanted me to hear what he had to say, and I know that's the reason I ended up there. He talked about how God calls people to move overseas and how He provides for their needs if they're in His will. He had 6 amazing points, but I couldn't find a pen to write them down (of course), but when I get the podcast, I'll hear it again and jot them down. Haha. But I seriously just sat there with my mouth gaping open as he spoke. It was as if the Holy Spirit was just sitting there speaking directly to me because it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I don't know if this is rationalizing or not, but I really feel like I've sought the Lord about this decision to return. I felt at peace with my decision, and now I'm fighting to keep that peace as Satan tries to steal it away everyday. Surely, if God has given me this opportunity and confirmed my decision in my heart...and I'm trying my best to seek after him...surely it will come to fruition. If you're reading this, please keep praying for me. There's no telling what's in store over the next 2 months. I have a ton on my plate including my 2nd student teaching placement, graduation preparation, moving out, packing, visas/work permits and a whole sea of paperwork. Also, keep praying that I stay in tune with the Lord and what He's wanting from me. I don't want to get distracted for one minute from the things that I need to be focusing on.

Anyway, love all you fine people. If you're still reading my blog after Thailand, you get extra cool points.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Decision Made.

After a ridiculous amount of prayer, I've made my decision. I've received countless bits and pieces of advice, but my pastor put it plain and simple. He said, "Determine what God's purpose is for you going or staying...then you will have the answer you're waiting for." Well, after a lunch/shopping date with Barbara yesterday, I found myself at home on my couch with about $50 worth of Ravi Zacharias books about Jesus, Buddha, and witnessing to Atheists. And then it was painfully clear to me what answer I was seeking. My purpose...well, God's purpose for me literally plopped into my lap. At that point, my heart felt good to say that YES I'M MOVING TO BANGKOK THE DAY AFTER GRADUATION -- MAY 9, 2010 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And dang it feels good to be right smack in the middle of the Lord's will.

Keep praying for me...this is gonna be huge. :)

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Cleveland...Welcome Home.

Well, it's 3:48a.m. and I haven't even been back in Cleveland 12 hours yet. Thanks jet lag for the late night. Though it's been awesome to see all the smiling faces of my long lost friends, I've still found myself to be completely discontent and fighting the urge to cry at every moment since I've set foot here. I don't even know how to express how I feel, much less try to articulate thoughts racing across my mind. It's as if I'm suffering from reverse culture shock or something in conjunction the the looming, life-changing decision that must be made sooner than I would prefer. I know it's normal, but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel so isolated, such an out-of-the-loop outsider. I don't know any of the popular dance songs or which team is playing who in any sports. I've been updated on everything from "Greek drama" to "who's dating who," but it seems so meaningless to me. I feel like everyone is interested in my trip to Thailand, constantly asking how everything went and if I enjoyed it all...and I truly believe people do care. But they still just don't get it. How can I honestly expect them to, though? That's not fair at all. They weren't there. They can't know. It just sucks. Caleb told me this would happen, and of course he was right. I had to escape to his house tonight, just to take a break from the same old "welcome home" questions and conversation. It feels good to have someone (besides Allison) who really does get me right now; it reminds me that I'm not alone. But, it's like the feelings of isolation creep back up on me as soon as I walk away from that comfort, and I'm right back to the same generic responses of "Oh it was amazing" ... "Gosh I had such a great time" ... "It feels so weird being home." Empty words really. But what can ya do? I can't force people to understand...I can't make them get why I'm acting so awkward and weird. I don't even know where I'm going with this. Though Cleveland is weirding me out right now, today was an "I don't wanna move back to Bangkok" kinda day. I'm still searching for an answer to that one...Come on God, give me something to go on here.

I'm out.
Cwalk

Day 49: Man in the Mirror.

In the words of the great Michael Jackson...

I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life.
It's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right.
As I turn up the collar on my favorite winter coat,
This wind is blowin' my mind.
I see the kids in the street with not enough to eat.
Who am I to be blind? Pretending not to see their need.
I summer's disregard; a broken bottle top; and a one man's soul.
They follow each other on the wind ya know,
'Cause they got nowhere to go.
That's why I want you to know...

I'm starting with the Man in the Mirror.
I'm asking him to change his ways.
And no message could have been any clearer.
If you wanna make the world a better place,
Take a look at yourself and make a change...

I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love; it's time that I realize.
That there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan.
Could it be really me, pretending that they're not alone?
A willow deeply scarred; somebody's broken heart,
And a washed-out dream.
They follow the patter of the wind ya see
'Cause they got no place to be.
That's why I'm starting with me...

I'm starting with the Man in the Mirror.
I'm asking him to change his ways.
And no message could have been any clearer.
If you wanna make the world a better place,
Take a look at yourself and make a change...

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." -1 Corinthians 13:12

So, this ended up being our theme song for this adventure to Thailand. Seriously. Almost every live band we heard over there ended up doing some kind of version of this song. We would catch ourselves humming it sometimes, and just embracing our inner MJ and belting it out together at others. Every morning, I'd listen to it on the skytrain on the way to work...and every van ride, taxi ride, plane ride... It's perfect. Ya know, I'm not the same person I was when I left home 2 months ago and flew around the world. I'm different; I'm changed. My eyes have been opened to so many ideas, cultures, people, and worldviews...and they've been jaded by harsh realities as well. I'd like to think that I've changed for the better. God has really been working on me and showing me things about myself I've never noticed before. It's going to be so weird coming back to quaint little Cleveland, TN. The person I was when I left was so content just settling down and staying there for the rest of my life. Though that dream remains hidden somewhere deep in my heart, I feel like the person I am today isn't satisfied with such a life, right now at least. I'm discontent just thinking about it. Perhaps moving to Bangkok in May would be a good idea. There are so many reasons to go, yet so many reasons to stay. I automatically see it as a lose/lose situation, but really, it's a win/win. (Optimism, not rationalism.) I've grown accustomed to God closing doors and narrowing down my options, but I think I've realized that He's leaving this one up to me. Which completely sucks, but thanks for the free will, God. I don't know what I'll end up doing, but I'm going to do whatever I decide with full confidence, knowing that I'm smack in the middle of the Lord's will. But for now, I'm going to take it one day at a time. And today's task is my return to Cleveland, to a life of intramurals, bonfires, card games, and Mexican restaurants. I already feel so out of place. And the stomach butterflies are already stirring...

I don't expect everyone to understand me. I just hope you can see the change in me...the same change I see when I stare at the "Man in the Mirror." So bring it on Cleveland, TN. Cwalk's back.

Hope all you amazing people enjoyed my blog. I'll still post stuff, but it won't be near as exciting as tigers, Australians, or cute little Thai kids. Maybe I'll pick up where I left off in May...

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 48: The Return.

Well, we had to check out of the YMCA at noon...and our flight didn't leave until 10:30pm. AKA: We were loaded down with luggage, and no where to go. So, we piled in a turbo tuk and headed for the Airport Plaza Mall. (Where we searched for 3 hours the other day looking for a dang nail salon.) We had about 8 hours to kill, so we parked it at the food court and tried out the "cow-man-guy." Of course it wasn't as delish as the one at Paragon, but it was alright. We had our last sticky rice and mango, too. So tragic..everything today was "our last ___." Ugh. I don't even care that I whined all day long about going home. I would seriously be content getting off the plane in Atlanta, hugging my parents and seeing them, and then hopping right back on the next flight to Bangkok. Today was for sure a "Heck yes, I'm moving back in May" kinda day. (Allison was delighted to hear that. Haha.) So anyway, after the food court, we decided to catch a movie; such a good way to waste 2-3 hours of our dead time. So, we lugged all of our bags and backpacks and lives into the movie theatre, plopped it all down in front of us, and enjoyed "Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief." It was a cute movie for sure, and I'm glad we saw it. After that we got our "last massage." Now that was something to cry about! It's for sure going to suck not being able to have that luxury when I get home. My body is going to go into shock or something. Any volunteers for Thai massage lessons? Haha. We finally made our way to the airport, and we ended up sitting there for a good 3 hours. Long, boring day for sure. But, I had plenty of time to catch up to my "Read the Bible in a Year" schedule. Mission accomplished! :) It's cute how Allison and I are reading the same parts of the Bible so we can discuss everything. That must continue when we get home. So yeah, that's about the extent of my day...nothing much else to say or look forward to unless you think hanging out in an airport for 7 hours is awesome.

(Only Allison will understand these, but I have to document for future reference. Haha.)

Top 10 Quotes:
1. "Yaaaaaay..."
2. "SUM NA NA..."
3. "BANGKOK #@!$%^&..."
4. "This bird..."
5. "I make a motion we have 5 minutes of silence..."
6. "Oh really?!"
7. "Are we taking the lift?"
8. "I know you want me...you know I want ya..."
9. "But have you ever seen Graceland? Now THAT is sumthin' to see..."
10. "Ratatoui?"

Top 10 Haha's:
1. Chiang Rai flight?
2. Old Aussie.
3. Mirrors & squatty potties.
4. "Bangkok roaches"
5. Swimming at Koh Sumet.
6. Hair evolution.
7. Takin' over Volk.
8. Keep walkin'...
9. Stamping the passport.
10. 7eleven? Must be heaven.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 47: Lions and Tigers and Elephants...OH MY!

So today was our last full day in Thailand...UGH! I hate that, but when life gives you lemons...throw it in some sweet tea and drink it up.

Lions and tigers and elephants...OH MY! Ok, that was a little cheesy. Haha. So...best thing about today: I HUNG OUT WITH A TIGER!!! Oh yes I did. It was waaaay cooler than the elephants yesterday, too! We got to go in a tiger pen for 15 minutes and take pictures and pet 3 different tigers. We swore up and down they were sedated but the trainers told us that they're just cats, and cats sleep 18 hours a day. *lightbulb* Oh yeah...they do. So that was freaking amazing! There's nothing like signing a waiver not to sue if you die when you enter a tiger's pen...and living to tell the tale! Haha. Ok just kidding...but not really. The tigers' names were Meatball, Spicy Sauce, and I can't remember the 3rd one's name. Ahh it was so cool. Have you ever spooned with a tiger? I have.

We finally found Happy Nails today...or was it Smile Nails...oh of course it was Nice Nails ("How could you forget?!?!" says Allison Webb). I got my hands and feet taken care of so I feel a little cuter today. At one point, I had 4 people working on me simultaneously. How crazy is that? At least manis/pedis in Chiang Mai are way cheaper than Bangkok. And the owner of the place (who knows Heidi and Debbie) was such a sweetheart. She even gave us a ride home afterward because we for sure walked almost an hour to find the stupid shop.

After nails and tigers, we went straight to the night bazaar, even though it was only about 4:00. So, clearly the only thing we could find to do to kill some time before dinner and shopping was....a massage. (So sad...last one of the trip.) We opted for a half-foot, half-head massage, 30 minutes each. Aaaaand of course it was amazing! However, it is just so inconvenient that I am peeling from literally head to toe. Thanks sun and hard water of Thailand. The big joke around here is that I'm molting like a freaking parrot or shedding like a snake...haha. Ok, that's kind of disgusting...I think I'm gonna stop talking about that now.

So we had dinner (fried rice with chicken and pineapple...yumo!) and by the time we were finished, the night bazaar was just beginning. First thing we bought? MC Hammer pants. Allison and I have seriously been trying to buy some since we got here, and none have fit us (thanks thunder thighs), but we finally found some! She got the purple ones; I got the black ones. We look like morons, but if we act like we look hot, maybe people will believe us. (That's our rationalization anyway...but remember, it's not rationalizing, it's being optimistic!) Anyway, I bought a few last-minute souvenirs, ran out of money, made one last ATM visit, and bought a few more.

After a much needed 7-eleven trip to get junk food, here we are, sitting in our YMCA hotel room. We're putting of packing until the morning, and we're fixing to push our beds together to cuddle (no homo) and watch The Hangover. Alyse has never seen it and that's pretty much all Allison and I quote, so we're pulling her into the loop. Haha.

On a final note, here's my list of Top 10 Most Unreal Things About Thailand. They're in no particular order because I'm not really in an ordinal kind of mood right now. So here you have it...

1. red light / green light timers
2. the art of eating with a spoon and fork
3. noodle stands
4. "sum na na"
5. Thai hospitality & peer pressure
6. $3 massages
7. lady boys
8. 7elevens (must be heaven!)
9. markets markets everywhere...
10. motorbikes

Well, here's to ya Chiang Mai...thanks for the good times with the elephants and tigers.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 46: Take a good, hard look at our...ELEPHANT!!!

So today was unreal. I RODE AN ELEPHANT!!!! Ok...so random geeky fact: Did you know that you can tell the difference between an African elephant and an Asian elephant by looking at their ears? Oh...yes you can. African elephants' ears are bigger because it's hotter in Africa so they have to fan themselves more...so Asian elephants' ears are smaller because it's cooler in Asia. See...now you learned something today. And when I saw "cooler in Asia" don't even think I'm talkin' for real cool. It was in the 90s today...hot and humid. Oh, but Allison felt the need to wear a scarf. Much like every other day on our wonderful Thailand adventure. I, being the amazing, honest friend that I am, made fun of her every time...scarfs in 90 degree weather? I don't care how cute you look, that's retarded. It's a good thing I'm not the one who shaved my head because I'm perfectly okay wearing t-shirts and gym shorts everyday, so I really would look like a dude. Allison, on the other hand, rocks cute dresses every single day. More power to ya Big Al. :)

So anyway...we went to the Maesa Elephant Camp today and got to finally experience the riding of elephants. Now we can officially say we've experienced Thailand right? Haha. (That's for you Cortney! You're drawing of me in Thailand came true!) Allison and I got to ride on the same elephant, who was 22 years old, and we had a blast! We videoed ourselves rapping our own version of "I'm on an elephant!" It's one of those things that you just gotta be there so I don't expect any of you to be laughing right now...but just wait til you see our videos. So not only did we ride elephants, we also got to watch them perform in a show! (Haha...I was seriously like a 5 year old at Disney World today, hopping and skipping around singing random songs in my joyful bliss.) So in the elephant show, they play football (soccer), gave their trainers massages, threw darts, sat down and rolled over like dogs, and even painted with their trunks!!!! It was so cool! Elephants have such personalities...and they've gotta be so freaking smart! I don't even know how they painted some of that stuff (see picture). Too bad each painting was $60 or I would have bought one for sure. But no...I'm runnin' on empty in my last week in Thailand.

Oh BT-dub, we saw an elephant doing #1 and #2 simultaneously today...that was interesting. Just had to throw that in the blog so I can look back on it and laugh. I won't post the picture...because I for sure took one. (Have to document everything you know. lol) And the elephant that was walking in front of ours on the riding path, totally farted for like 30 seconds. Allison and I almost fell off our own elephant laughing! And yes, we're completely aware that we're 3rd graders at heart. Haha. It was too funny.

Well, we probably paid $20 in taxis alone today. We went on a wild goose chase trying to find this stupid manicure place called "Nice Nails." I swear if I hear that name one more time I might hit someone. So...after 3 hours of pointless searching, 2 Dairy Queen blizzards, a large McDonald's fry, and countless "5 minutes of silence" later...I still have nasty ghetto nails that need to be did on the ASAP. So yeah...Point #1: We're in freaking ASIA...why are there no nail places anywhere? Point #2: Maybe I do have a bad habit of eating too much when I get pissed or frustrated. Point #3: Escaping to my happy place doesn't always work. Point #4: I'm for sure a fan of "I make a motion we implement the 5 minute of silence rule....go." (Epsilon, try that one time and see what happens...it'll do ya good.)

So I would also like to say that Allison and I are the same person...and she is my valentine, especially now that she has no hair. Haha. Oh Valentine's Day...yes, we saw the movie today. That was about the only good part about getting lost in Chiang Mai and not finding a nail salon...we somehow found the Cinema and thank the Lord it was playing. So about that movie...it was kinda depressing, I'm not gonna lie. For such an allstar cast, I was rather disappointed. And um...Bradley Cooper NEVER should be gay...not even in a movie. That's just wrong. (Sorry if that spoiled the surprise for any of you...my bad.) But I might have teared up toward the end...it was cute. Best line in the movie--"Those 3 words we all long to hear..........let's get naked." WHAAAAT?! Hahahaha...too funny. Ok ok ok...anyway...

So it's like 1am and I don't know why, but I'm wired. I seriously just danced around our hotel room with a microphone waterbottle singing songs from the Goofy Movie soundtrack at the top of my lungs, while Allison and Alyse attempted to have the most inconvenient serious conversation ever. In my own little world.......don't even care right now.

I blame myself for being taught PATIENCE. Oh, yes I do. I brought this on myself...so no complaints. None right now at least. Ok...I'm gonna go now. One more day in Thailand...(sigh). That just sucks.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 45: Will you be my...Chinese person?

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Well, Chinese New Year that is. I’m just sayin’, we didn’t get to celebrate OUR New Year because we were on a plane, so why not jump on that Asian bandwagon and celebrate now? Aaaand…who really likes Valentine’s Day anyway? Not this girl. Boyfriend or not, that holiday was made up by card companies to make bank…period. But that’s a whole ‘nuther soapbox that I’m not even tryin’ to step up on right now.

We went to the worship service at River of Life today, and that was awesome. The kids led their songs that they'd been practicing all week, and they sounded awesome. I ended up singing "Worthy is the Lamb" and that was a little outside my comfort zone. Normally, I'm pretty stoked about that kinda stuff, but it's been way too long. I've decided that I need to learn how to play piano (well) so I can do whatever on the spot. I hate relying on what other people know how to play; it stresses me out. But either way, the Lord blessed it and it was so good. Pat's message was about optimism and pessimism. AKA: Our trip in a nutshell. From day 1 in Thailand, Allison and I have fought pessimism tooth and nail, and it's worked out beautifully and made for an amazing trip! For every positive, there's a negative...and Pat for sure quoted one of our "positives" for sure. "Sure, you may have diarrhea and be throwing up, but you're losing weight!" HAHAHA. Too perfect. So yeah, good service for sure. I loved every bit of it.

So anyway, I had to say goodbye to Chiang Rai today…not fun. I would be perfectly fine staying there for the duration of our trip, but those elephants in Chiang Mai are calling my name. So, after saying goodbye to all the kids at River of Life, we hopped in the back of the truck and headed for the bus station. Mateo went with us, so that made me really happy. He’s my dude for sure. Bless him. Allison and I made funny “Chiang Rai misses you” videos for some of you guys back home…you know, the elite. We’re kinda ridiculous, but we crack ourselves up and keep ourselves entertained, so it’s ok.

The 3 hour bus ride to Chiang Mai wasn’t bad at all, minus the fact that the dude sitting next to me smelled like straight up CRAP. Other than that, I loved poppin’ the iPod in and staring aimlessly out the window at the beautiful mountains and picture perfect landscape. God for sure did work when he designed Thailand. Kudos God. So, 3 hours, a Thai hunny bun thing, a bottle of water, and non-stop crap-smelling later…we arrived safely in Chiang Mai. We successfully got a ride to the YMCA in a red turbo-tuk (the big red tuk tuks…I can’t ever remember the official name for them so I just make up my own) without getting jipped by the locals because we’re 3 white girls. We know the ropes now Thai people…don’t mess. Ain’t even tryin’ to play.

So in honor of Chinese New Year and Alyse’s 22nd birthday, we hit up the night walking market, spent lots of money on you people back home, and ended up treating ourselves to Mexican food and the old faithful 9 baht McDonald’s ice cream cone. Now THAT’S the life. By the way, I have to say that while we were eating at the Mexican restaurant, this group of white people (probably Aussies...just a guess) kept looking at us. And when I say "looking at us" I don't mean just "hey what's up" kinda looking at our table. They were like "Awww...look at them" kinda looking at us. After they left, we were discussing why they acted that way...and I came to the profound conclusion that they totally thought that Allison had cancer because she was bald...and we were out for her last meal or something! Haha. (So this is Allison's picture to commemorate that one...)

I’m also proud to say that I’m getting better at the bargaining at the markets. I sucked for real when I first started, but now I’m hardcore. I’ll walk away before I pay more than I want...so take THAT. Haha. So I got some pretty sweet deals tonight…can’t wait to haul it all home and get charged those wonderful overweight luggage fees, but it’s so worth it.

Well wonderful people, I'm going to go to bed and cuddle with Allison. We're sharing a twin bed for the last 3 days to save money. Haha...whatever works.

Love you all. See ya THIS WEEK!

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 44: Lang Lang...Bad Choice.

Well, the sickness continued on into today. Bonk. It was slightly miserable, but I tried to suck it up and not whine too much. Alyse and Allison convinced me to get out of bed and eat breakfast around 11am (haha), and then we walked about 20 minutes down the road to the Hot Springs area. (The swan statue was outside of the resort, so of course Allison and I had to represent Epsilon.) We got a Thai massage for only 100 baht ($3)!!!! The woman was going way too easy on me at first so I said "lang lang" which means "harder"...bad choice. The rest of the massage was way rough, and I forgot the word for "softer/easier" so I just endured it. I probably have bruises from that one. Haha. Maybe I should have gone with the easy massage especially since I was sick...ehh, live and learn. We opted out of getting in the hot springs because none of us really wanted to walk back home soaked. I'm just glad I got to get out and about for a while...I can't believe I've been fine this whole trip and when we get our holiday to Chiang Rai/Mai, I start getting sick.

So the kids had praise and worship practice again today. I love listening to them sing all their songs in English and Thai. They had the lyrics up on the screen today so we could sing along with the Thai songs, too. That was pretty fun. Mateo was having a blast as usual, and he pulled up a chair and sat by me. (Gosh I love him!) After everyone was through practicing and dispersed to do their own things, Mateo kept saying something to me. He was speaking Thai as if I could understand a word he was saying, but somehow though supplemental hand motions, I figured out that he was trying to get me to go up on stage and sing a song for him. (Aww...) So I walked up to the stage with him and he was trying to get me to get a microphone and everything to sing, but I told him that he'd have to wait until tomorrow. (I'm singing in the worship service evidently.) Then, he drug Allison up on stage and handed her a guitar. She acted like she knew what she was doing, and all 3 of us sang the chorus to "Blessed Be Your Name." I'm sure it sounded hideous, but it was so cute. Mateo never fails to make my day.

Tonight we went to the Chiang Rai night walking market. That was pretty fun, though I'm not a happy shopper. I did end up buying more than Allison (which is a first), so I'm pretty proud of myself. I got a few souvenirs, but honestly guys, if I don't bring you back something, please don't hate me...I'm not really one to waste my money on trinkets that will end up in your yard sale someday. Just sayin... So since it's almost Chinese New Years and Valentines Day, the market was insane tonight! It was packed out with people, and at times I was slightly claustrophobic. We ate far too much street food tonight too...banana pancakes, noodles, donuts, fries, etc. (My rationalization: I didn't eat a lot today when I felt like crap, so I was hungry. Haha!) So anyway, there was this band playing and this little area to dance...so of course Allison and I jumped on that! Alyse is a little more reserved than we are, so she was a good purse holder and picture taker. Haha. We did some sort of Thai line dancing thing, and it was a lot of fun for sure. You only live once right!?

So here I am, laying in bed, trying to convince myself that my stomach feels awesome, and that I need to go to sleep. I don't want to leave Chiang Rai tomorrow at all, and I'd be perfectly content staying here until I fly home on Wednesday. There's so much more that I want to see and do here, but I haven't gotten the chance either because I've felt like crap or the lack of transportation to and from. If only I had more time...I want to hang out with the kids here and really get to know them. It almost feels pointless to try when we only have such a tiny amount of time...why would anyone want to open up to us when we're only here for 5 days? It's sad. I have to come back to this place, to these kids. I almost feel retarded saying that because I know everyone says that, especially in situations like this. But I don't say it lightly at all. I have my boys in Honduras that I visit regularly...but there's for sure room in my heart for a few more kids.

I still think it's so crazy how I'm here right now, in the same place where so many of you guys back home have been. It's cool to think how God works things out...especially in His timing. A lot of the time, His plan is so blurry and vague, but there's always a method in the madness. I'm so excited to know that I will be able to come home and share my experiences with people who have also been there, done that. It's a relief to know that you will understand... My biggest fear about coming to Thailand was returning home and feeling isolated and friendless, with nobody who really "gets" me. Please know that God is already using you to calm my (irrational) fears...

Well guys, I'm going to bed. See ya Chiang Rai. Until next time...and there will be a next time...

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 43: Giving up my dreams for HIS.

Well, so much for the waterfall and temple. I woke up feeling sick this morning, so after we ate breakfast, I decided to just sit that one out and chill at home today. It's all good though, because I got some rest and had a chance to just be alone. I read a lot today, so I'm almost finished with Genesis...now I just gotta get through Exodus and I'll be back on track. I really enjoyed just sitting outside on a bench, pondering life with Tractor and Sammy, the two adorable dogs who live here. Tractor is a golden retriever who is slightly obsessed with well, retrieving. He will seriously play fetch all day long. (That's him in the picture.) And Sammy is a black retriever, and we've concluded that he has short-term memory loss because he barks at us every morning like he forgot that we were friends the day before. Haha.

Since I ended up not going with Allison and Alyse to the waterfall today, I was really hoping that I'd be able to see Siam today when I went with Samsot (I think that's his name) to pick the kids up from school. That didn't happen though, because he had already left by the time we arrived at the school. (Sorry Caleb.) :( But all the kids looked cute in their little scout uniforms, and some of them even had face paint and stuff on so they were quite a sight to see. They are beginning to be more comfortable around us now, so I'm really excited about that. They're starting to joke around and hug us and stuff. The first few days were sort of awkward because everyone was too shy, but now it's great. I love to hear them say my name...It's way cute to hear it when I'm on the other side of the propery or something because my heart just smiles and I think, "Aww...they love me!" :)

The picture to the right is just a hut off the road on the way to the kids' school. I'm glad I'm getting to see real Thai culture here in a smaller town. That's definitely something I was missing in the big city.

So Mateo is my dude. (That's me with him in that picture up there.) This morning when we woke up and walked outside, he was raking some leaves. I yelled "good morning" to him, and he smiled and walked right up to me, handed me the rake, and motioned for me to start raking. Haha. Well, ok Mateo. So I raked a row of leaves and handed the rake back...Haha. Every time he sees me now, he gives me a hug or high five. Gosh I love him. While the girls and I were chillin in the room before dinner tonight, we looked at the River of Life website and read some of the kids stories...talk about breakin' your heart! (http://www.patdebthailand.org/ourchildren.htm) It's like I see these kids in a different light now, and it's even more awesome how far they've come from where they've been. Debbie and Pat are truly amazing people, and I love it how God's used them to minister to so many young lives.

We ate green curry for dinner tonight...that was a first. I've had in my mind that curry is disgusting, but it honestly wasn't that bad. If my stomach had actually been feeling healthy today I would have eaten the junk outta that stuff, but I ate light since I wasn't sure how my stomach would react. We also ate some kind of Danish dessert afterward, since the other guests from Denmark were leaving tonight. That was interesting. Haha. After saying goodbye to the Denmark folks, we watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" with Fern, Not, and Done.

The picture to the left is of Acheep...that boy can win your heart in a minute. Tractor found a baby bird and thought it was an brilliant idea to play with it, so Acheep rescued the poor thing and built a ghetto birdcage/nest for it. He was so proud.

So while I was pondering life today, I came across Jeremiah 29:11-13. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'" A lot of times we just stop after verse 11, but my mom's been quoting verse 13 to me recently so I just went ahead and read on to that. I feel like this verse goes hand in hand with my favorite verse - Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Any way you look at it, if God is our number one priority, all other things that pale in comparison should (and will) fall into place. Though I have my own desires, thoughts, and dreams...I want to be walking so closely hand in hand with God that His desires, thoughts, and dreams for me become my own. In my Bible, I wrote down a quote from some conference next to that verse..."God's saying, 'You can't discover my dream until you get over yourself and leg go of your own dream.'" I feel like that might be good advice for the place I'm in right now, deciding where to go after graduation...Bangkok or Cleveland. I don't really know what else to think or say, I just know that my thoughts are heading in the right direction...I think.

Well guys, I'm gonna go throw up now. Haha. But don't you worry about me...I'll be fine. The positive is, I'm losing weight! :) I weighed today and I've lost about 10 pounds. Yep, I'll take it. Haha. Love yall...this time next week, I'll be hanging out with all of you amazing people in good ol' Cleveland.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 42: Just a small town girl...

How perfect it is to be able to just sit and watch the sunset...with nothing to do other than hang out with some of the world's greatest kids. I know I keep comparing Chiang Rai to Bangkok, but it's ridiculous how much more at home it feels here. It reminds me of Honduras with all of the mountains surrounding the area. It's weird because after 6 weeks of non-stop go go go in Bangkok, now that I have some down time to really relax and reflect, my body is dead, and my mind is completely worn out. "Don't Stop Believin" is for sure the song of the day..."Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world!" Haha. Journey really does sing the soundtrack to my life.

We went up to Mae Sai (that's the M word I couldn't remember...haha!) today to do some shopping and just to really check out the area. It's a small down north of Chiang Rai, near the Burma boarder. We didn't cross over though, if only just to save money. But I hate shopping...and there's just something in me that doesn't sit well when people who are trapped in poverty and begging me for money are surrounding me while I'm trying to buy stupid stuff that really doesn't even matter. I mean, really...do need those 100 baht sunglasses or should I just give that money to the small child begging at my feet? Gosh I hate being a selfish American. So, the bus ride was pretty fun to and from Mae Sai, but that's just about it for me. I'm all about popping the iPod in just looking out the window...that's fun to me. (The picture toward the bottom of this post is of me and Gonjana, one of the girls from River of Life who went with us to Mae Sai today. We would have been so lost without here there to help us!)

So after we got back home, Allison and Alyse convinced me to go on a bike ride toward the garden at Chiang Rai University. I'm the worst bike rider ever, so we made it to the convenient store down the street next to the pond, and went for an ice cream instead. A-ok with me. Then we had dinner (Pad Thai..so freaking good! Once again...I kinda love Thai food now. Haha.) And after dinner the kids had praise and worship practice.

Ok so there's this one kid named Mateo, and he is simply amazing. He has cerebral palsy, and his favorite job at River of Life is to open the gate when cars come in and out. It's so cute to watch him sprint down the gravel driveway to open the gate as fast as he can...whatever you do, do it for the Lord and with all of your heart right? Perfect example. All of the kids really take care of him, too, and it's just great interacting with him. While we were all sitting around after dinner tonight, we were eating some kinda candy or something, and he shared his with Allison and me, evenly distributing each piece, even so much as to half the last piece to keep it fair. So adorable. And then at praise and worship practice, we were sitting there with him and he was just clappin' and havin' a big ol' time. He went up on stage and played the bongos for several of the songs, and we could see him singing along too and just worshiping the Lord. It took everything I had to hold my tears back. (I'm so emotional when it comes to kids!) He really just blessed my heart tonight...such a great kid.

I ended up helping out with praise and worship practice a little...AKA: Everyone found out that I sing a little bit, so they asked me to sing a song. Haha. Seriously, that's the first time I've sang in front of people in quite a while. I was too nervous, but it felt so good sing for the Lord after such a long time. I love it when God uses our talents for his glory...

So tomorrow we're going up to a waterfall and visiting a temple. I'm hoping that we can pick the kiddos up from school, too, so I can try to find Siam. Still hoping and praying that God works that out...

Love you guys...thank you so much for all the prayers and encouraging messages/comments/emails/tweets/skypes/etc. I can't wait to see yall when I get home. Though I don't want to leave Thailand, I must admit that I'm getting pretty excited about coming home and hanging out with everyone.

Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, have been called according to his purpose."

I'm out.
Cwalk.

P.S. Yes, Allison is bald. I'm gonna go back and add some pictures to past blogs now that she's decided to go public with this. :)

P.S.S. SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY AMAZING FRIENDS BACK HOME WHO SURPRISED ME WITH A PERSONALIZED RENDITION OF "DON'T STOP BELIEVIN" ON FACEBOOK! AND THAT IS WHY I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD...LOVE YOU GUYS! :)

Day 41: Chiang Rai.

It feels like I'm in a dream...one big, fat, surreal dream. We overslept this morning and almost missed our flight, but thank God it all worked out perfectly. I would have been the most disappointed and pissed off person on the planet if I missed coming to Chiang Rai! Ok so seriously, this place is amazing. We're staying at River of Life Children's Home with the Wheelers, and let me just tell you how big of a blessing they are. Debbie picked us up from the airport this morning and we had breakfast when we got home...rice and eggs are so perfect. (Note to self: buy a rice cooker when I get home) We took a super long nap since we got up so early, and then went to a cute little market area about 15 minutes away. We also got to go with Pat to pick up all the kids from school, so it was fun surprising them for sure! And yes, once again, these kids have stolen my heart...they're amazing! There's about 17 kids here I think, and only 3 or 4 of them are boys. It's a weird because I'm used to Grace Farm in Honduras where it's all boys. But I really like hanging out with the girls here, especially because a lot of them are older and they speak English really well. We all played volleyball for an hour before dinner (made ya proud Madre), and that was so much fun! So clearly, that counts as working out right? Haha.

So anyway, Debbie is such a sweetheart....definitely one of the sweetest people I've met over here. She is taking such good care of us, and she's just amazing. We rode around with her in the truck today for a little while when we went to the market area, and I'll say this time and time again...it's such a small world!!!! It was so weird when she started talking about Caleb and Sam and how they lived up here and stuff. SO WEIRD!!!!! I can't even describe how crazy it is that I'm on the other side of the world, and yet I'm walking in the same places that so many of you guys back home have walked! And yes, the everyone remembers you guys! (We asked. lol)

The sky here is awesome! There's nothing like getting away from the big city and looking at the night sky without all that light pollution. Mars was super bright tonight and glowing the reddest I've ever seen. I also saw my favorite constellation, Pleiades, for the first time since I've been here. Is it sad that I really did miss seeing it? Haha...So maybe I look up at it every night back home. I'm a dork, I know. I really did love living in Bangkok, but I'd pick this place over a big city any day. I wish we had more than just a few short days here. Return trip soon? Yes please.

So tomorrow we're heading up to the Burma border to a town called Masot, at least I think that's what it's called. I know it starts with an "M"...haha. Debbie said there were tons of markets and stuff to shop at, but the poverty is much more prevalent in that area. But I'm gonna go to bed now because we're getting up at 6am to do a devotional with the kids and have breakfast with them before school. So sleep is callin' my name.

Love you guys! One week from today I'll be rollin' back into the ATL. Time sure does fly by...

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 40: See Ya Bangkok!

Well, it's been fun...but it's time to move on up North I guess. Oh Bangkok, I'll miss you...but definitely not your smog and pollution. Allison and I went by the school today to pick up our student teaching packets, so that was the final goodbye to BCC. After we left we went to a cute little Mexican restaraunt called Coyote's with Alyse, Heidi, and two of the teachers from school. Then, Allison and I went over to a football pitch (aka: soccer field) to watch Andy (aka: sexy British PE teacher), Christian, Jaysen, and several of the other teachers from school play football. We sat there for 2 hours, but it was so much fun watching them play! Now, I'm not really a soccer fan...but seeing people play who actually know what they're doing is pretty entertaining I'll admit. Then we went out to eat and hang out with everyone for the last time. (sad face) It sucks that we never really hung out with everyone from work before our last week in Bangkok, but I guess I should be thankful that we did this week anyway. They are all such dorks, but gotta love 'em. At least if I come back in May there will be people to hang out with and stuff. I'll just post silly pictures we took of the guys at dinner...they are such characters.

Ok, so since I really have nothing else to talk about because that's just about it for today...I'll talk about some of my favorite memories in Bangkok. I'll just say top 5...

5. Australian Day with the Aussies - Oh my word that whole meal was amazing! Those ribs and that potato salad were unreal. My mouth is watering just thinking about it! Mmm....I wonder whatever happened to those guys? We never hung out with them after that.

4. Dream Boys Mistake - I mean, sure this is not such a fond memory, but I'm glad I got to experience what I did. It for sure opened my eyes up to the world around me, and though I'm jaded now, I'm glad I get to return home and tell people that sex trafficking is real and happening.

3. Paragon Food Court - Oh my favorite meal..."cowmanguy" was my JAM! I loved going there pretty much everyday. The workers started to recognize us about a month into our trip, and they would just smile and know exactly what we wanted. What can I say...we were regulars!

2. Koh Sumet - Playing pool, hanging out on the beach, and just talking to the British boys, Adam and Alex, was a blast! It's so refreshing to have genuine conversations with people about legit stuff and not just same old small talk...

1. Meeting so many different people from tons of countries!!!!! If my list is updated correctly, we met people from about 20 countries! How crazy is that?! --Thailand, Indonesia, Netherlands, Australia, Korea, England, Ireland, Russia, Holland, South Africa, Kenya, Canada, Chinese, Iraq, France, Chile, Switzerland, Germany, Singapore, Denmark--

So, here's to Bangkok...suawdee caa. Love the food and the rice. Here's to all those good decisions we're making, thanking God we still aren't taken. :)

And tomorrow...the day I've been waiting on is finally here! We're flying up to Chiang Rai to stay with the Wheelers, and words can't even describe how pumped I am! It's a small world after all.

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 39: Farewell.

Today was just a chill day...I slept in and relished the fact that I didn't have to wake up at 6:30am to go to school, though it was slightly bittersweet. Allison and I had full intentions of rollin' into school today to pick up our student teaching packets, but that for sure didn't happen. It felt good to just sit and catch up on blogging for half the day and skype all you fine folks back home! After we finally decided to get up off our fat American butts, we sadly walked to Paragon for our last meal at the food court. Mmm...so so good. So after we dominated some "cowmanguy" we realized that we had a farewell dinner with the BCC administration in like an hour at the Grand Hyatt Hotel...no big deal. Ok so seriously...it was some amazing buffet food that was incredibly expensive. Those BCC people sure know how to spoil us girls. The director, Ajahn Warnot (?) was quite excited at the thought of us coming back to teach in May. No pressure though...lol. There was another couple there who were pastors at a local Church of God, and they have several ministries in Thailand, so there are so many open opportunities to get connected here! I love it! They are actually the ones who established the connection with Lee and BCC because their daughter is a Lee alum. Once again I say...such a small world. So it sucked saying goodbye to all our BCC people...they really have been so good to us, but you never know what the future holds.

So, after stuffing our faces (again)...Allison, Alyse, Heidi and I went over to the hospital to visit Alicia. Bless her heart, she's been sick for over a week now and she's miserable. They think so might have Hepatitis A so that really sucks. I hope she feels better soon. So after we did our best to cheer her up, we just went home and started packing. So sad. I don't wanna go home!!!!! OH! P.S. We got the times mixed up, so we were running late to meet everyone at BCC to ride to dinner together, so maaaaaybe we experienced the mototaxi for the first time. What an adrenaline rush! Don't worry guys...we wore helmets. But honestly, I'm more concerned about getting lice than anything else. Haha. I'm not even trying to mess with that!

Well guys, I'm out...gonna go finish packing. Love yall!

I'm out.
Cwalk.

Day 37 & 38: Island Getaway.

So, I'm gonna have to say that our trip to Koh Sumet was probably the most unplanned, ghetto, eventful, and fun thing we've done so far in Thailand. I really don't know what we thought it was going to be like, but we left Bangkok thinking it would be easy just to hop over to an island and have fun on the beach. I seriously only packed 3 beach dresses, shampoo, toothbrush/paste, and my iPod. So, we got on our minibus taxi and road 2 hours south...then, got on a speedboat to the island. (I would like to also say that I freestyled the most amazing rap while we were on that boat...Allison recorded it, but now it's gone forever. I'll elaborate on that in a few.) We arrived on the island around noon, the hottest part of the day, with our backpacks and purses weighing us down. We wanted to get a bungalow first thing so we could just drop off our stuff and head to the beach...tryin' to get that tan on you know. Well, much to our disappointment, everywhere we looked for a room was full. Even the places with "we have vacancy" signs lit up were full. For a second, I felt like a homeless bum and seriously tried to rationalize that sand was comfortable to sleep on, but we finally found a place to get a room for 800 baht. We later were informed that we paid way too much, and there were some for 200 a little farther down the beach. Oh well...I'm just glad we had a bed to sleep in. I don't mind paying that extra $10. And about our room...tiny. Our shower was over the toilet, and it leaked out into the room. It was ridiculous, but once again, it's better than being homeless.

So anyway, after we dropped our stuff off at the room we got some lunch and rented a motorbike. And yes, I had another Edward Cullen moment for sure. Haha! But of course, this one was legit since clearly I was on a motorcycle. Allison drove first since she had all the experience, but I tried it out and it was easy after I got the hang of it. That motorbike was for sure the best decision we've made in Thailand. We drove around that island probably 10 times while we were there! Allison took off on it at first and she was wondering why people were swerving around her (driving is crazy in Thailand anyway though)...then she realized that she was driving on the wrong side of the road. HAHA! But it was a tiny little village area, not a huge city like Bangkok, so it was just truck taxis and other motorbikes driving around. I even rocked the whole side-saddle on the back of the bike thing that we've seen girls doing in Bangkok. It's not hard at all! Ok, I might wanna just stop talking about the bike because I'm sure my mom is having a heart attack reading this. Promise we were safe...no accidents. No worries. :)

After a good time at the beach, we cleaned up and went to dinner at a little restaurant owned by some Canadians next to our room at The Blue House. They were watching football...yes, real American football...so clearly, we stayed there a while and hung out with them for a while. After that, we all decided to go down and check out what was going on at the beach. We found place to hang out and ended up ditching the Canadians (they were annoying the crap out of us by that time) to hang out with a couple guys from London, Adam and Alex, though we totally saw them flirting with ladyboys before we started talking to them. (Haha!) We played pool with the British boys forever, so Daddy, I'd have made you proud this time...I didn't suck too bad at all. :) And I never get tired of hearing sexy British accents. Haha.

So this morning we woke up and rode the motorbike around the island some more while it was morning and the roads were all clear. There's nothing like driving down the road and looking at the islands floating in perfectly clear blue water. (sigh) It was heaven. It almost reminded me of the Cayman Islands...which ironically enough, Allison and I experienced together on Spring Break 2008! (We're such traveling buddies!) After we checked out of our over-priced tiny room, we walked over to the local Buddhist temple to look around. I'm glad we got a chance to do that because it was so much different than the tourist atmosphere of the temples in Bangkok that charge money to walk around. It just seemed a little bit more authentic to me at least. Plus, we got to talk to a monk who knew some English for a few minutes, so that was really cool. I'm a Christian of course, but I love experiencing other religions and cultures. Though they may not believe exactly as I do, I'm obviously going to show respect and learn as much as I can about their beliefs. I wish I knew more about Buddhism...If I choose to come back here in May, I'm definitely going to be researching and reading up on it.

We met up with the British boys and spent the rest of the day on the beach. I've never spent so much time in the ocean...my legs won't stop peeling now. I'm going to look diseased instead of sexy tan! Not the look I was going for at all. Haha oh well. Anyway, we had loads of fun hanging out Adam and Alex. I think it's safe to say that they're my favorite people we've met...the most legit people anyway. It sucks that we had to return to Bangkok tonight...I really wanted to stay and hang out with them more. It's crazy how everyone we meet feels like lifelong friends. Allison and I are outgoing anyway, but we just click with some people and it seems like we've known them forever. Maybe some of the friends we've made will last...who knows. I guess that's what Facebook is for. Haha.

Over lunch, Adam was telling us about what they're going to be doing in Asia...traveling and stuff. They're going all over to Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos, Burma, etc. He had a whole traveling book with information about the culture, places to stay, currency exchange rates, places to see, and everything. Clearly, he really did his homework. They're going to work with a charity organization to help out the refugees from Burma in Thailand, too. I love it when people are passionate about something, so it was great listening to him talk about all the things they're going to do and the people they're going to help. I'm jealous that I can't do something like that...but I don't understand why I even say that with the idea of my looming opportunity of returning in May. I do have the chance, but I'm too scared to take it. Alex said something to me today that really hit home...you never want to live with regrets. It's one year of my life...so why not just do it? Ok, I'm not going to think about that anymore right now, but he's exactly right.

So yeah, Koh Sumet turned out to be great. Oh!!! Other than the fact that some old woman stole Allison's wallet and camera!!!! She was evidently watching for when we went out to the water to swim , and though all of our stuff was still in sight, she swipped it! Thank God I left my valuable stuff in our room (camera, passport, keys, etc) and didn't have it with me for once! We would have been completely (I can't think of another, more polite way to say this) screwed if both of our wallets had been jacked. Allison has been trying to work everything out with her parents and banks on my Thai phone getting cards canceled and money to the ATM and stuff. Gah it's insane. I'm just sayin', that old woman is lucky we didn't catch her in the act (some guy told us what she looked like but that's about all we got; we never could find her). So about my amazing freestyle rap...yeah, it was on Allison's camera and it's gone. That's what I'm really mad about. Haha.

Anyway, good weekend for sure...new friends, a tan, a stolen wallet/camera, and good memories. Just livin' the dream...

Love yall...only a couple more weeks til I get back. Can't wait to see some snow and have some bonfires.

I'm out.
Cwalk

Day 36: Curve Ball.

<<----(This is our "sad face" picture because we don't wanna leave...today was our last day teaching.)

Well, I have some huge news...I was offered a teaching position at BCC today!!!! I was asked to come back in May and teach 5th and 6th grade Math. I don't even know what to think right now. It's like the moment I think I have my life figured out and I feel the tiniest bit of peace, God throws me a curve ball and knocks me off my feet. What am I supposed to do???? All of the facts and figures thrown at me are amazing and make me want to say yes to the offer right now, but my heart weeps at the thought of it. Though I love this place, and I'm not remotely homesick right now...could I really come back and stay for another year (or more)? I would graduate on May 8, and less than 24 hours later, I would be on a flight to Bangkok because the kids start on the 11th. Wow. I was going to go straight into my masters program at Lee...and "live the dream" in Cleveland...and I was so perfectly content with that. And now? I could come teach here for a year and make money to pay for my masters when I get back home. The cost of living in Thailand would make it easy to save money for sure...Ahhh. So many thoughts are racing through my mind right now. And the worst thing about this...I have to make a decision within the next 2 weeks. Ugh...enough about that. I can't think about it anymore.

So today was my last day with my precious BCC students. :( I taught the 6/10 science class by myself because Chris wasn't there...and it was a classic "substitute teacher" situation for sure. It was a double class period, and I was finished with the lesson in 20 minutes. Oops!? So...clearly the only option for us was to go to the gym and play basketball! Oh they begged me...I guess they know my weakness. haha. So, we played basketball for over an hour and I refereed most of the time. Toward the end I kicked off my shoes and owned those midgets...even in a tight pencil skirt I'm a baller. Haha. Gosh I love those kids! I'm going to miss them so much when I get home! I'm so glad my Fridays are jam-packed because I was with them every minute of the day today. It sucks that today's my last day, but I'm so thankful for every second I have with those kids! Who knew I'd actually enjoy teaching and love kids? (Any of you who knew me a few years ago are probably surprised by that for sure!) So at 3pm today, Allison and I were packing our desks up in the office, and Teacher Fa (the head of the EIP department) stood up to make an announcement...and she for sure called us out and thanked us for working hard and all that stuff and Christian "presented" us with framed pictures of us and our kids! (Aww....) I was wondering why he interrupted my lesson earlier in the day to take a picture with me and the kids! Haha! What's so funny is that it's the worst picture ever...I'm not even looking at the camera! But I love it anyway and I'm not even going to replace the picture...it's too perfect. :) So we had a going away party in the office before we all left work today. There was chicken and pizza...so thoughtful to get us American food! Haha. And I would like to say that it's the first time we've had pizza since we've been over here...(sigh) and it was dang good! I'm glad we got a chance to hang out with all of our co-workers and stuff before we say goodbye for good. (P.S. I know you all have read our blogs about the "hot British PE teacher" Andy...so here's a picture of him. He's such a goofball, so it took a lot of effort to make him be semi-serious...and as always, the picture doesn't do him justice. Haha...)

Speaking of Andy...Allison and I hung out with him and his German friend tonight. We went over to his apartment and ate dinner (chicken and rice as always) and listened to "drum & bass" while watching tennis. Haha. It was a lot of fun...and the view from his apartment was unreal. It's like you could see the whole city! The German girl was rather annoying though...she never shut up, and it was slightly obvious that she was mackin' on Andy. They tried to convince us to go listen to some drum & bass DJ, but it was gonna cost us $25. Um...honestly, I wouldn't pay $1 to listen to that techno crap...much less $25. Think I'll pass. It would have been too funny to watch Andy dance though. Of all the people we've met over here, I haven't met a single one who dances like an American. I don't really even know what I mean by that...but the bottom line is, when I get home, I really just wanna dance it out to "Get Low" with my roommates while eating my classic Checkers #3. Seriously. Can't wait.

Well tomorrow we're off to Koh Sumet for the weekend...no big deal. Just a little island south of Bangkok with amazing beaches. Be jealous. :)

P.S. Yes, my 6th graders are wearing purple and throwing up the Epsilon sign in that picture up there. S.I.T.G. :)

I'm out.
Cwalk.