Cleveland...Welcome Home.

Well, it's 3:48a.m. and I haven't even been back in Cleveland 12 hours yet. Thanks jet lag for the late night. Though it's been awesome to see all the smiling faces of my long lost friends, I've still found myself to be completely discontent and fighting the urge to cry at every moment since I've set foot here. I don't even know how to express how I feel, much less try to articulate thoughts racing across my mind. It's as if I'm suffering from reverse culture shock or something in conjunction the the looming, life-changing decision that must be made sooner than I would prefer. I know it's normal, but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel so isolated, such an out-of-the-loop outsider. I don't know any of the popular dance songs or which team is playing who in any sports. I've been updated on everything from "Greek drama" to "who's dating who," but it seems so meaningless to me. I feel like everyone is interested in my trip to Thailand, constantly asking how everything went and if I enjoyed it all...and I truly believe people do care. But they still just don't get it. How can I honestly expect them to, though? That's not fair at all. They weren't there. They can't know. It just sucks. Caleb told me this would happen, and of course he was right. I had to escape to his house tonight, just to take a break from the same old "welcome home" questions and conversation. It feels good to have someone (besides Allison) who really does get me right now; it reminds me that I'm not alone. But, it's like the feelings of isolation creep back up on me as soon as I walk away from that comfort, and I'm right back to the same generic responses of "Oh it was amazing" ... "Gosh I had such a great time" ... "It feels so weird being home." Empty words really. But what can ya do? I can't force people to understand...I can't make them get why I'm acting so awkward and weird. I don't even know where I'm going with this. Though Cleveland is weirding me out right now, today was an "I don't wanna move back to Bangkok" kinda day. I'm still searching for an answer to that one...Come on God, give me something to go on here.

I'm out.
Cwalk