Spiritual Warfare

So ever since I decided that I'm going back to Bangkok, the spiritual warfare has just been overwhelming. I feel like I've just straight up pissed the Devil off, but I don't care. I feel so close to God right now, and it's amazing! I seriously woke up from a dead sleep this morning in prayer, and I don't even know how that happened! So I can tell Satan is trying to take away every bit of peace that I have right now by throwing me curve balls left and right. But hey, I think I'm gonna give God credit for allowing him to hit me with curve balls because it's essentially making me rely on Him more and stretching and growing my faith. Though it sucks, I welcome it because I'm becoming a stronger Christian and disciple of Jesus Christ.

So, Allison is no longer returning to Thailand, and that feels weird. It was heart-breaking to find out that news, and I can't even imagine living in Thailand without her, but I still feel like God's calling me to return, even if it's alone. Talk about a step of faith! My purpose still remains. And I know that if it God's will for me to return, He will work it out perfectly, so I am trying to just give up every bit of worry, anxiety, and uneasiness to Him. "Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) If it's God's will for me to return, then that's what will happen...doors will open and paperwork will be official and all the minute details will fall into place perfectly. If it's not His will for me to go back, then He has a greater purpose for me elsewhere. Any way you look at it, I would rather be right smack in the middle of His will for my life (wherever that may be) than trying to force my own dreams and goals. Clearly, He's teaching me to give up my own desires and relinquish all control. It's not fun, but I'm loving the increasing moments of "eternity" when I get a glimpse of the big picture.

I went to Ethos this morning, and there was a guy there who does missions work in Romania. God really wanted me to hear what he had to say, and I know that's the reason I ended up there. He talked about how God calls people to move overseas and how He provides for their needs if they're in His will. He had 6 amazing points, but I couldn't find a pen to write them down (of course), but when I get the podcast, I'll hear it again and jot them down. Haha. But I seriously just sat there with my mouth gaping open as he spoke. It was as if the Holy Spirit was just sitting there speaking directly to me because it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I don't know if this is rationalizing or not, but I really feel like I've sought the Lord about this decision to return. I felt at peace with my decision, and now I'm fighting to keep that peace as Satan tries to steal it away everyday. Surely, if God has given me this opportunity and confirmed my decision in my heart...and I'm trying my best to seek after him...surely it will come to fruition. If you're reading this, please keep praying for me. There's no telling what's in store over the next 2 months. I have a ton on my plate including my 2nd student teaching placement, graduation preparation, moving out, packing, visas/work permits and a whole sea of paperwork. Also, keep praying that I stay in tune with the Lord and what He's wanting from me. I don't want to get distracted for one minute from the things that I need to be focusing on.

Anyway, love all you fine people. If you're still reading my blog after Thailand, you get extra cool points.

I'm out.
Cwalk.