I saw an old friend today and she asked me how I've been doing. I answered with one simple word - Bipolar. I feel like I'm either on top of the world or in the lowest valley, and the roller coaster fluctuates on a daily basis. I try not to base my emotions on any one situation, person, thought, or event but it's honestly kinda hard to refrain. A lot of the time, I feel like the back up plan. I also find myself failing to follow my own advice over and over again. I must be masochistic or something because I keep going back to the origin of my discontentment...as if the pain is soothing in some weird twisted way. I don't understand myself at all. I know Thailand is going to be good for me, but I still have mixed emotions about it. I think I'm more scared of coming home than actually leaving here. I'm also dreading the knowledge of who my real friends are...I'd love to live in blissful ignorance for a while longer, but I know eventually I'm going to have to cross this bridge eventually. Might as well rip it off like a bandaid. I hope those whom I've grown close to recently will come through for me and prove their friendships. I'm so terrified of being disappointed...
I'm out.
Cwalk.
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