Day 18: I'm a big person in a little world!

I talked to the parents last night on Skype...and yes, I can also admit that I talked to my dog over Skype, too. She didn't get it; she just heard me and looked at the door. Sorry Chloe, I'm not coming home for another month. But it was good to talk to Madre & Daddy-O and get updates from home. My mom asked about boys, and my dad wanted to talk college football. And that's why I'm the perfect combination of the two. :) Oh, and Daddy got Quote of the Day: "Have you got a tattoo yet?" (no) "Alright, my prayers have been answered so far." Haha...love 'em.

Allison and I also worked out pretty good last night. And dang it felt good. I seriously woke up this morning looking forward to working out. And after a day like today, I need to get out all my frustration and energy in a positive way. My 5th graders today were absolutely RELENTLESS. Imagine every ADHD quality and multiply that by 314829 and factor in a different language. Yeah, those were my kids today. But to be fair, I'll say that, in contrast, my 6th graders were angels. They listened to me teach and understood perfectly today. And they all made English name tags to sit on their desks so I could attempt to learn their names. As I was walking around the class trying to even pronounce their names (I all but butchered every one of them with my awful southern accent), I ended up giving them all nicknames anyway...Dan, which is short for Danitotawat (something like that), Little Guy (because the other teachers already call him that), Big D (because he's huge and Chinese...evidently being a fat Chinese boy is awesome because it means you're family is wealthy enough to feed you...a lot. Too bad that cultural aspect hasn't hit America yet or we'd have a lot of "wealthy" people. Tuh!) And I can always just call on my American-Thai kid from Atlanta because his name is simple--Shaun. Haha. Got that on lockdown.

Oh...today was our first day looking good with straight hair and tans at the office. We got lots of compliments since everyone was used to us rollin' in with frizzy hair thrown up in a pathetic pony tail and our pale skin glowing in contrast to all the tan kids around us. Oh, and we ate Mexican for dinner, and in all honesty, it put Las Mas to shame. (Ahhh....sorry @cebaxter, @taylormobley, @shaunzaw, @eshane87, @foxygenius, etc... HAHA)

So anyway...as promised, I'm going to address some interesting cultural aspects of my trip so far. I'm honestly just going to write as things pop into my head so I'll go ahead and say it's going to be random.

1. Everything is smaller in Thailand. And yes, the title to this blog is mocking the show about midgets on TLC "I'm a little person in a big world." Because in Thailand, it's exactly the opposite for me...I'm a BIG person in a little world! I feel like a freaking giant over here! People are (obviously) smaller, doorways are smaller, napkins and toilet paper squares are smaller and thinner, food portions are smaller (thank God), seats are smaller (and yall know that ain't good for this big booty), clothes are smaller. OMG...I don't know if I already blogged about this...but when Allison and I went shopping for black Adidas pants at the market, we were looking at this on shop for our size and asked the owner if he had pants to fit us. In his limited English, all he said was, "Oh...yes. We sell to black people," as he stared at our thunder-thigh/ghetto booty areas. Thanks, Thai man. Thanks for the reminder that we're large Americans.

2. Eating meals is more convenient. Thai people consider it rude to eat with only a fork, so at every meal it's customary to use both a spoon and a fork. But, you're only supposed to put the spoon in your mouth. The fork's sole purpose in life is to push food up onto the spoon. But you're guaranteed a perfect bite every time! I absolutely love it! I'm so used to it now that it feels weird eating w/o both. This is one of those things I'll probably take back to the States with me.

3. ***Disclaimer: I'm not racist by any means.*** I don't know where I got this idea, but I was under the impression that all white people had some sort of unspoken bond when you're in a country full of um...not white people. I mean, I'm not Asian...you're not Asian...that makes us friends right? WRONG! I guess I could blame my sweet southern manners on this, but every time I pass white folk, I smile. But they never smile back! How rude! Haha...I mean, I know more than just Americans are white but really? Oh, in fact, I'm pretty sure we've only seen like 3 Americans this entire trip. Everyone is either from England or Australia (once again...no complaints about those sexy Aussies). But anyway...please don't think I'm racist or anything...I'm just sayin.

4. So...while I'm being a little risque, I'll just go ahead and address Asian stereotypes. And I use the term "stereotype" loosely. I actually mean, my preconceived notions of Asian culture before I actually lived here in Thailand.

• Stereotype: Asians love math and are good at it..............TRUE. At least from my experience teaching math to 5th and 6th graders. And judging by the fact that I've for sure seen graffiti math problems on concrete walls here. Ha! (see photo to the left)
  
• Stereotype: Asians have a good, but at times insane, sense of fashion..............TRUEish. Living by a major mall area, I've witnessed a lot of fashion. I'm fashionly-challenged to begin with, but I can tell good fashion when I see it. Most of the people I've seen around here look good. But the combinations of prints (aka: plaid with stripes) and ridiculous colors is for sure "in" here. I don't understand it, but I don't question it. I'll just stick with my jeans and t-shirts thanks.
• Stereotype: Asians can't dance................TRUE. And neither can Australians from my experience. I don't care how hot Aussies are, they look straight goofy trying to dance. And Asians are just funny dancers.
• Stereotype: Manicures and pedicures are cheap in Asian countries because, I mean, that's their thing right?...................FALSE! I for sure paid $30/each for a mani and a pedi...and both were crap. Nope. Lesson learned. Not gonna do that again.
• Stereotype: Thai massages are amazing..................TRUE. Nuff said.
• Stereotype: Thai food is awesome....................TRUE & FALSE. I mean, it's alright. I'm finding things I like, but I wouldn't say it's amazing or anything. Caleb just raved about how great the food was here, and I'm kinda thinking he lied a little. Haha.
  

5. So I've already talked a little bit about this, but Lady Boys. It just blows my mind every time I think about it. According to those I've talked to about Thai culture, Thai parents encourage their sons to dress up like women in hopes that they will be the proud parents of a lady boy someday. (insert gagging sound) I mean what the crap? As an explanation, my sources attributed this to the matriarchal emphasis of Thai culture. (Aka: It's a woman's world over here, so everybody wants to be a woman I guess.) I actually had an OLD lady boy give me a foot massage today...and it was rough! I wanted to be like, "Um, excuse me...I know you dress like a woman, but your man hands are strong as ((beep)) so easy up sir...ma'am." (Brian Reagan joke...hope you got it.) Ok enough about lady boys...ugh.

6. Everything is cheaper in Thailand. One of our US Dollars = 33 Baht (Thailand Dollar). I can eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner for under $5 (total). How crazy is that? So food is cheap, transportation is cheap, life is cheap. Love it. I'm going to be super spoiled when I get back to the States.

7. The main religion in Thailand is Buddhism. There are temples (called "wats") all over Bangkok, and almost every building has a "prayer house" (mini-temple) where their gods live. Everyday they put food out and light incense, and the god comes and eats the sacrificial food and then regurgitates it back out (exactly the same way it was before it ate it...hmmm...interesting). So clearly, that explains why it never disappears. But I will say that Buddhist people are so sweet. Everyone seems to have the most pleasant demeanor here, which is in such contrast to what I experienced in Israel. There, the Muslims seemed to glare at us in hatred, while the Jews just shook their heads and seemed to think, "Oh stupid Americans," as they walked by. So yeah, I'm a fan of the Buddhist people here. I would have loved to take a full class on the religion before I came here so I could have been more prepared to talk to them about Christ, though.

8. There's always something going on in Bangkok. I feel like every time we pass a plaza or square, there are tons of people gathered watching something. Whether it's a Muay Thai boxing match on Wednesday, or a fashion show on Saturday night...it's always something. Even today we passed the Paragon, and there were tons of people and paparazzi gathered doing something with some modeling reality show (I think). It was crazy. We walked by and took some pictures and just gawked like tourists. Haha. We saw a Michael Jackson look alike, and one super cute model in a purple mini skirt waved at Allison and me. Yeah, I see ya purple. The purple skirt girl would wave at us.

9. Which brings me to number 9...PURPLE is the color of Thailand. Everything from mini skirts to trash bags...school uniforms to graffiti...purple is everywhere and I love it.

10. Ok last one for now...Thailand is really the land of smiles. Everyone smiles and is just so nice. Everyone is always willing to help with directions and anything else that we may need. Hospitality is huge over here, and everyone always wants to make sure that we're taken care of.

Ok...I'm shutting up now. This is the longest blog ever. I'm going to work out now.

I'm out.
Cwalk.