Day 33: Reflecting.

God is so amazing. I don't understand Him most of the time, but I live for those moments of clarity. You know, when just for a split second...it's like you can see the big picture, the whole point of everything in light of eternity. It's during those moments when it no longer matters what I want, or what my struggle is; the only thing that matters is how good God is and how perfect His plan is.

Honestly, I still don't think my mind has completely wrapped around of the fact that I'm in Thailand. It probably won't even really hit me until I get back home, and that's weird. I feel like I'm in a dream, living somebody else's life or something. Why would God choose ME to come here? I know it was God who sent me here because I never would have even considered it...ever. It's as if all those things that I planned on my own, without consulting the Lord, have just crumbled...but I'm okay with it. I had my mind set on going to Greece in March to student teach and then heading to Atlanta for grad school. No question. But little by little, doors began to close...well, more like they just slammed shut in my face. And God slowly began to narrow down my options until they were no longer options...they were my last hope. Thailand ended up being the perfect (and only) student teaching placement I could experience, and now my "back up plan" of getting my masters at Lee is now the only thing left I can do. Is it weird that I'm really grateful that God essentially ended up making all my choices for me? Don't get me wrong...it hasn't all been sunshine and butterflies and I've cried, oh I've cried. But the peace that I have in knowing that I'm right where God wants me to be is unbelievable. It's like my whole "star alignment" analogy...just think about. It fits. I still have to constantly remind myself to let go of the reigns of my life and allow God to run the show. It's like a constant denial of my obsession to be in control. It's a struggle, but it's liberating at the same time.

I was listening to an Ethos podcast today after work, and it was the one about "Simple Questions: Will you trust God with your future?" Ironically, I actually heard Shannon preach that sermon back over the summer when I was thinking about coming to Thailand. In the sermon, he references his trip to Thailand...so it was cool that I listened to that one over here now while I'm actually experiencing it. I remember feeling God tug my heart toward Thailand, especially after hearing that sermon last summer...it's funny how looking back, God always puts everything right in its place in His perfect time. So the rest of Shannon's sermon was about worrying, and trusting God to just do His thing...letting go of the control and giving your life up to Him. You're preachin' to the choir, sir.

I worry about how everything back home is evolving and changing. I'm nervous about being out of the loop when I get back. I stress about money and bills and not having a job when I get back. But it's all meaningless (Ecclesiastes 3). I just want to say thank you to all of you who have continually prayed for me while I've been over here in Thailand. I've felt your prayers, no doubt. I miss you all, and I can't wait to see you in a few short weeks. Though I'm not ready to leave Thailand, and I'm amazingly still not homesick (minus that one day of it towards the beginning of my trip)...I still can't wait to see each and every one of you. I also can't wait for you to see how I've changed. Now I'm not talking about losing weight or anything...really, it's like 5 pounds. I'm talking about how I hope that you can tell how much I've grown and how much I've been impacted by this experience. Honduras will always have 95% of my heart, but Thailand for sure stole that other 5%. I love this place, and I love these people. My heart breaks for this country, and I hope one day I will be able to return here. That's all up to God though...If I've learned anything so far, it's patience. It's all in God's timing, not mine.

Matthew 6:34 -- "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I'm out.
Cwalk.